Brian Schottenheimer

Kinky Kelly and The Sexy Stud

You fucked up! You trusted us!

Such is life for a Jets fan.  After the horrific loss to Denver on Thursday, I was basically in the acceptance part of my grief process.  I was detailing how I would be able to start my detox earlier this year, not to be interrupted by going to bars or drinking and eating poorly during football playoff games. Till then…I have two games that I am attending live.  I’d hate to think there is nothing to play for.  Then again, in previous years, many things have fallen into place, with the Jets quote-unquote backing into the playoffs, or perhaps the schedule will bear out.  Oh, and there will no margin for error.  Something, at which, the Jets have been acutely inept at this season, that whole low-margin-of-error thing.

My advice to you is to start drinking heavily

“My advice to you is to start drinking heavily,” said my friend, whom I refer to as WOOOOOOO, over on Twitter the other day. This was mostly in response to me bitching there about the games I am attending live in the future, money spent, hopes dashed, disappointments met, and about cleansing myself of this sports hex I have put on myself.

In my life, there have been a few constants.  One is my sports fandom and its affiliations: Mets.  Jets.  Rangers.  The other are my love for John Landis films.  Blues Brothers.  Trading Places.  Coming to America.  Animal House.  Besides sports, perhaps music and film draws people together in the same way. Sometimes, they collide and I can quote movies and enjoy sports at the same time.

When I was on the West Coast last week watching the Jets play the Patriots, I had to speak my tweets because my phone was charging.  Meanwhile, the other three folks I was watching the game had no vested interest in the game conclusion (though they seemed to want to the Jets to win, since I was rooting for that conclusion).  So they started talking about movies, like Kevin Smith films.  Clerks.  Jay and Silent Bob.  Mallrats.  Understanding these movies is cult-like.  We throw around quotes like it’s Shakespeare.

When the conversation turned to Clerks II, I started going nuts.  I HATED that movie, and thought it was better off not made.  My husband and our friends disagreed. They loved it, especially the part about “ass-to-mouth.”

I guess you have to watch the movie to understand the context.

Meanwhile, when I say, “Jets 2011: Ass to Mouth,” you can get the drift.  It’s roots are in a Kevin Smith movie, but the ramifications are far spread.

Think about it.  The context of it in the movie was just for gross-out humor.  Not that I’m not up for that.  But this is what the Jets have been doing all season.  This highly unsanitary and unorthodox of way of conducting themselves, when it should be easy.  YOU NEVER GO ASS TO MOUTH.  AND YOU DON’T DO STUPID SHIT AGAINST TEAMS LIKE THE BRONCOS.

See, I almost wished they lost that game I went to against the Dolphins.  Maybe they would have snapped out of it.  Then again, they are doing all the wrong things.  They’re entitled to lose games, but they games they lose to are even messed up.  Like losing to AFC teams that could potentially be a “tie-breaker” when it comes to playoff time (though, I just have to wonder if this is just not the year).  Special teams being atrocious.  Brian Schottenheimer convinced that as offensive coordinator his job is to fit the QB to the offense, not the other way around (as @metsjetsnets88 and @robzloto discussed on Twitter, this isn’t anything new…he’s done this was THREE QBs). I don’t think Schotty is the only problem (like, where is the backlash against Westhoff, as an example), but it’s clear that it’s PART of the problem.   The problem being consistency.

And yet at the end of the day, the people taking it up the ass with the mouths of the media are Mark Sanchez, the “pretty-boy quarterback,” and Rex Ryan, the only man documented to have a foot fetish, because they are visible.  Because they are the quarterback and the head coach.  Hey, I’m not saying Sanchez is completely blameless.  It seems like he almost has to trust himself to get the job done because of the way things are going.  It’s not good.

Like when I watched the Mets faltering in 2007, I said losing games to the likes of the Washington Nationals in August (that they could have easily won) leaves no margin of error. Good teams find a way to beat the teams they are supposed to beat.  The Jets of 2011 are making me feel the same way.  Ass-to-mouth might have been funny in the context when my friends and I were discussing quotes from Clerks II.  When talking about the Jets 2011 play, it’s certainly one that’s as unsanitary and undesirable in the short- and long-term.

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Jets Charge with Their Best Foot Forward

The Jets enter Week 8, coinciding with their “bye” week, with a bang, a victory over the San Diego Chargers of 27-21, and a winning record to boot (4-3).

That “WHEW” you just heard came from the collective Jets fan base. Notice that you didn’t hear anything about Brian Schottenheimer or the defense or Mark Sanchez either.  I guess it’s easy to forget all that stuff that Monday Morning Quarterbacks like to discuss, especially when they win.

If you had listened to the media prior to the game, after Rex Ryan had off-the-cuff said something to the effect of, he had interviewed for Norv Turner’s job in 2007, but also made a little dig about their lack of championships in that time period.

Well, I think I would have had a couple rings. I’m telling you, those teams were loaded.

Sigh.  I mean, Rex couldn’t have possibly said something that was taken out of context, nor something that would potentially make him look bad.  He hasn’t exactly won anything with the Jets, but then his team has made it to the Conference Championship two years in a row, mostly on guts and the back of a young quarterback.  Not too shabby, but of course the media ran all over it.

The Jets didn’t have much of a chance against the real-deal-holy-feel Chargers, who got off to a 4-1 start this season, while the Jets infamously lost three in a row on the road.  The Jets are now undefeated at home.  Of course, in the first drive of the game, it seemed like it was practically right after kickoff, Chargers returned a “fumble” for a TD.

I had a bad migraine at that point, and I told my husband, “I’m going out for coffee.  If this team expects me to watch this crap, I need to have caffeine.”  When I returned, things didn’t sound much better.  Nick Mangold had a penalty that nullified what should have been a clean TD. This would be the theme of the day, lots of flags that made the game almost painful to watch at times.

William Perlman, The Star Ledger

It seemed like the Jets were predestined to lose, especially with all the experts coming out against them.  After all, with Rex doing a lot of talking, the only game they’ve won in four weeks being against the Dolphins, and a bunch of pissed off Charger players who thought they were being dissed, it looked so.  Of course, it was then I remembered this was the Jets, and they never make anything easy (kind of like my other two teams), and our ace in the hole was Plaxico Burress.  I happen to like Burress a lot.  I’m happy he’s in the Jets’ end zone when it matters (but mostly yesterday).

The Jets won a game against a “legit” team, though, and it seems people still don’t want to give them any credit.  I am a fan, they frustrate me to no end.  They may be a little rough around the edges in some places, but it should not surprise any of us to see that they had a bit of a slow start.

There was no cap-tipping or rather helmet-tipping to the Jets by the Chargers, who had a bunch of BMW (bitchin’-moanin’-whinin’) going on after the game.  For one, I was just as annoyed with all the flags (even those in the Jets’ favor), but it’s nothing but sour grapes when San Diego cornerback Quentin Jammer says that the refs gave the Jets the game.  This is a team most others want to beat, and you couldn’t.  I get it, Jammer.

That’s not to say that bad calls went both ways against both teams.  I thought they were all getting a little ridiculous.  Yet, each Jets win is discounted by some “factor.”  A game is a game, and a win is a win.  People were ready to discount the win against the Dolphins on Monday simply because they hadn’t won a game this season.  Now, it’s because of the calling.  Even though they won, they can’t win.  Rex Ryan probably had the last laugh here.

You Stay Classy, San Diego.

By the way, what the hell was Philip Rivers doing at the end of the game there?  I swear, he wasn’t even trying.  It looked like at points, Norv Turner was going to have a conniption, but mostly, it worked out to our favor.  I was surprised that even though it looked unlikely, he didn’t even try to really keep the team in the game at the end, even throwing it out of bounds.  I think that was the last play of the game, if I’m not mistaken.  Ryan alluded that he expected to see the Chargers again in the postseason, and it’s quite a possible scenario.  Maybe the Chargers were saving their energy for that game, if it comes to that?  I suppose time will tell.

Oy! The Jets Of Our Lives

I have my favorite little niche of Tweeters on any given Sunday (sometimes Mondays, including this week), that I follow for football.  It’s not dissimilar to whom I follow for Mets or even Rangers news, although the frequency of tweets usually increases closer to game time, then of course that Monday Morning Quarterbacking issue we have on Twitter too.

One person I follow is a die-hard Jets fan (who was also featured in Amanda Rykoff‘s EspnW piece on female fans) who calls herself “SportsYenta.”  Her tweets are often hilarious, cutting (she was even in Mass last week for the game against New England, and I believe in Baltimore a week before that!), and she often ends her thoughts with a succinct and elegant in its brevity point to bring it all home.

“Oy.

(PS Follow her, because she’s really funny during games and cool as hell)

That’s essentially how I feel with this surplus of Jets news coming out, about how the team is basically falling apart at the seams due to one thing or another.   Just, OY.  Well, maybe things aren’t that bad, but if the local media had its way, that’s what you would believe, that this team is essentially going to become the next Boston Red Sox, without the chicken n’ beer.  OY.

Two weeks ago, we heard about how Offensive Coordinator Brian Schottenheimer caused a rift, specifically how there was a wide receiver mutiny regarding his play calling, which Rex Ryan promptly shut down those reports prior to last week’s game against New England.  Yet you have to wonder how much truth there was to that rumor, as one of the WRs mentioned prominently in Scotty-gate, Derrick Mason, was traded to the Houston Texans.  You can point to his lack of production, as the article states, or that he was a critic of Schotty.  He was benched in Sunday’s game, according to Ryan so they could get a better look at Jeremy Kerley, which would make sense if Ryan knew there was a trade down the pike.  Either way, he was the odd man out of the three prominently featured in the criticism, with Santonio Holmes and Plaxico Burress.

Oy.

Ryan spent a lot of time downplaying the story, yet this time there were no unnamed sources in the locker room, as Holmes is now attributing his quotes, ripping the offensive line.  Then Brandon Moore came out and said that there are just some things that should stay in the locker room.

Oy.

It’s not like Holmes hasn’t been immune to critics himself; after all, Jets legend Broadway Joe Namath joined in on the fun by criticizing Holmes for complaining to the media after the Baltimore game. Nice little story from a guy one of my friends found lying in a gutter, hungover, before a game in the 1970s…but I digress.

OY!

I think this drama is just going to get worse before Monday night’s game against the Miami Dolphins.  And with good reason. The Jets are on a three game losing streak, but the Dolphins have it much worse…they haven’t even won a friggin game this season.  Both teams will be on edge, or as Ryan calls it, like “Caged animals.”

The Jets certainly have a lot more to lose than the Dolphins this week.  After all, they have higher expectations than the Dolphins, and if the Dolphins lose another game, well, they have just lost ANOTHER game.  No big deal, since they haven’t won one yet.  Imagine going back to Miami, with a feather in their cap, beating the Jets?

OY!

But then the double-edged sword is that if the Jets lose to a defeated team, then all the whispers will turn into loud screams about who needs to go and what needs to be done…till the next week of course.

My feeling is that no one on the Jets right now is immune to criticism but you know what will stop it?  WINNING.  A good old-fashioned beat down that will make the Jets 3-3 and everyone will once again be talking about how wonderful and great they are.

Till then…we’ll be listening to the drama machine.  Like the sands of time, so go the Jets of our Lives.

Oy.

The HATETriots: An East Coast Bias

I really have no idea why I dislike Boston (and Massachusetts, and hell, most of New England) so much.

I don’t *hate* the Boston Bruins, although a rivalry would be realistic between my Original Six team (the Rangers) and their O6 team.

I don’t *dislike* the Boston Red Sox, although my Mets played them in the 1986 World Series, but you know the old saying…”The enemy of my enemy…” Etc., etc.  (And well, I really REALLY dislike the Yankees, for certain).

My mother makes fun of me.  She claims that my bias against Boston and surrounding areas is a “New York Superiority Thing.”  I can’t disagree, although it’s not a conscious thing.  My friend Ms. Chap said it best…when she moved to Boston for three years after spending most of her life in the New York surrounding areas, she said, “I hated it on sight.”  I felt the same way the first time I ever visited Beantown.

No disrespect to my Boston brothers and sisters.  I just don’t care for it all that much up there.

But hey, my dislike of the New England Patriots? Yeah, it’s intense.  And it’s for shizzle.  For realz.  You get the idea, I’m sure.  I certainly have an East Coast Bias, and it has nothing to do with their location.  They’re certainly my Jets’ enemy, and I relish that like no other.  Like I’ve said before, there’s no shit talker like an NFL shit talker, and there’s no bias like an NFL bias.

Look at these two pretty boys!

Possibly because their pretty boy Tom Brady is their star QB.  Although I think he’s kind of like the “Derek Jeter” for lack of a better term QB of NE.  He’s a media ho’, a guy whose likeness is everywhere.  I can’t deny he is talented.  I really can’t.  And yes, I can acknowledge that my guy, Mark Sanchez, is a teensy bit overrated.  That, I think, has more to do with New York-sized expectations, though.  This is the pretty boy bowl, for sure.  And no one likes a pretty boy.  Unless, you know, you root for one.

So the Jets have a huge amount of expectations steeped upon them this year.  Two years in a row, the young-ish team has made it to the Conference championship game, to fall just short each year.  To say there’s a high level expected of them this season is without a doubt an understatement.

Yet, after a strong home start, then falling short two games on the road, people are freaking the funk about them potentially coming back to JetLife Stadium next weekend being 2-3.

Yet, they seem to forget that this is a team that goes through these hiccups each season, that they could just as easily be 3-2 coming back home.  It wouldn’t be the best case scenario, but it’s a decent case and they could make up for the lack of goodwill these last two games by taking this from the Patriots.

It also would intensify the rivalry.  I mean, look at Twitter during these games.  Lots of shit talkers on each side.  It’s fun, and it’s real.  It’s East Coast Bias, through and through.

The Jets are taking this game seriously too.  The Jets know they’ve been knocked around, they don’t need to read the local papers and listen to the Monday morning QBs about it, they are very aware. They also realize how important it is to win against the Jets.  Key to the game this week: Make it Physical.

Nick Mangold has been out nursing an ankle injury.  There was a chance he was to come back last week, but he’s declared himself fit for duty today.  This will certainly change the dynamic of their running game, which happens to be the Patriots’ strong point.  Either way, the dynamic needs to change.  One game can change that dynamic, for better or worse.  Things can get a little hairy, as Santonio Holmes, Plaxico Burress and Derrick Mason have voiced grievances over the playcalling (recent whipping boy Brian Schottenheimer coming under fire too for it).

You know what I say about that?  PUT ON YOUR BIG BOY PANTS AND DEAL WITH IT!  You’re playing the New England goddamn Patriots, for fuck’s sake.  Take the bull by the balls, and kick their asses all over Gillette Stadium.

Now, that I’m done with that.  I really really don’t like the Patriots.  So we win this week, and do what you want when you get back to JetLife, as long it means winning.  Kthxbye.