Nick Folk

Kinky Kelly and The Sexy Stud

You fucked up! You trusted us!

Such is life for a Jets fan.  After the horrific loss to Denver on Thursday, I was basically in the acceptance part of my grief process.  I was detailing how I would be able to start my detox earlier this year, not to be interrupted by going to bars or drinking and eating poorly during football playoff games. Till then…I have two games that I am attending live.  I’d hate to think there is nothing to play for.  Then again, in previous years, many things have fallen into place, with the Jets quote-unquote backing into the playoffs, or perhaps the schedule will bear out.  Oh, and there will no margin for error.  Something, at which, the Jets have been acutely inept at this season, that whole low-margin-of-error thing.

My advice to you is to start drinking heavily

“My advice to you is to start drinking heavily,” said my friend, whom I refer to as WOOOOOOO, over on Twitter the other day. This was mostly in response to me bitching there about the games I am attending live in the future, money spent, hopes dashed, disappointments met, and about cleansing myself of this sports hex I have put on myself.

In my life, there have been a few constants.  One is my sports fandom and its affiliations: Mets.  Jets.  Rangers.  The other are my love for John Landis films.  Blues Brothers.  Trading Places.  Coming to America.  Animal House.  Besides sports, perhaps music and film draws people together in the same way. Sometimes, they collide and I can quote movies and enjoy sports at the same time.

When I was on the West Coast last week watching the Jets play the Patriots, I had to speak my tweets because my phone was charging.  Meanwhile, the other three folks I was watching the game had no vested interest in the game conclusion (though they seemed to want to the Jets to win, since I was rooting for that conclusion).  So they started talking about movies, like Kevin Smith films.  Clerks.  Jay and Silent Bob.  Mallrats.  Understanding these movies is cult-like.  We throw around quotes like it’s Shakespeare.

When the conversation turned to Clerks II, I started going nuts.  I HATED that movie, and thought it was better off not made.  My husband and our friends disagreed. They loved it, especially the part about “ass-to-mouth.”

I guess you have to watch the movie to understand the context.

Meanwhile, when I say, “Jets 2011: Ass to Mouth,” you can get the drift.  It’s roots are in a Kevin Smith movie, but the ramifications are far spread.

Think about it.  The context of it in the movie was just for gross-out humor.  Not that I’m not up for that.  But this is what the Jets have been doing all season.  This highly unsanitary and unorthodox of way of conducting themselves, when it should be easy.  YOU NEVER GO ASS TO MOUTH.  AND YOU DON’T DO STUPID SHIT AGAINST TEAMS LIKE THE BRONCOS.

See, I almost wished they lost that game I went to against the Dolphins.  Maybe they would have snapped out of it.  Then again, they are doing all the wrong things.  They’re entitled to lose games, but they games they lose to are even messed up.  Like losing to AFC teams that could potentially be a “tie-breaker” when it comes to playoff time (though, I just have to wonder if this is just not the year).  Special teams being atrocious.  Brian Schottenheimer convinced that as offensive coordinator his job is to fit the QB to the offense, not the other way around (as @metsjetsnets88 and @robzloto discussed on Twitter, this isn’t anything new…he’s done this was THREE QBs). I don’t think Schotty is the only problem (like, where is the backlash against Westhoff, as an example), but it’s clear that it’s PART of the problem.   The problem being consistency.

And yet at the end of the day, the people taking it up the ass with the mouths of the media are Mark Sanchez, the “pretty-boy quarterback,” and Rex Ryan, the only man documented to have a foot fetish, because they are visible.  Because they are the quarterback and the head coach.  Hey, I’m not saying Sanchez is completely blameless.  It seems like he almost has to trust himself to get the job done because of the way things are going.  It’s not good.

Like when I watched the Mets faltering in 2007, I said losing games to the likes of the Washington Nationals in August (that they could have easily won) leaves no margin of error. Good teams find a way to beat the teams they are supposed to beat.  The Jets of 2011 are making me feel the same way.  Ass-to-mouth might have been funny in the context when my friends and I were discussing quotes from Clerks II.  When talking about the Jets 2011 play, it’s certainly one that’s as unsanitary and undesirable in the short- and long-term.

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El Duderino

Uma? Oprah?  Dude?  Lebowski?

Okay, now that I got my obligatory “Isn’t Rob Ryan a doppelganger for El Duderino???” photos out of the way, I can get to the good part.  And that’s of the game between the New York Jets and Dallas Cowboys on Sunday, September 11.

The TV guys were calling it the “Ryan Bowl,” which essentially means the identical twins (though Rob looks more like one of those Evil Parallel Universe from South Park version of Rex Ryan) are going to have a great defensive game and not much else.

It was surprising to me though, because the Jets once again start their season with not only a lot of hype, but a lot of yips as well.  It’s no secret that the young “Sanchize” has a ton of expectations thrust on him for this season.  And rightfully so.  If the Jets are this so-called force with which to be reckoned, he’s gotta step his shit up.  With all the running of their mouths they do (and trust me, I’m a fan, and it drives me nuts), the games get played on the field, and this is where they need to prove it.  Not by saying, “We’re awesome,” and then flounder in the AFC title game (yes, I’m still upset about that).

Anyway, both teams simply were not the juggernauts of defense, as the Cowboys kept on scoring, Sanchez had the yips, and Gang Green ALMOST looked afraid to score. To which I say, what’s the point of hammering the virtues of defense when a) the other team is just going to make you look foolish and b) you’re afraid to do anything about it.  As our friends in American Pie once told us, you don’t score till you score.

Till, you know, they started doing something about it.  Sanchez was getting sacked left and right, and looked foolish at times.  Tony Romo actually looked like he was rising to the occasion (talk about the hype machine).

But then it happened.  The Jets came back from a deficit, Nick Folk made us believers for at least one game, and Darrelle Revis is still the motherfuckin’ man.  Oh wait, I take that back.  At least behind Al Michaels (whom I adore), he is. Yet, this team has far to go before I can safely say that they are not only AFC Championship material, but Super Bowl quality that they have been touting since Ryan came aboard.  I’m a show-me person.  So show me.

I will say though, I was at the game last year where they came from behind against the Houston Texans last November, and I vowed at that moment I would not stop believing till the clock hit zero.

And The Coop abides.