Summer nights and long warm days
Are stolen as the old moon falls
My mirror shows another face
Another place to hide it all
Another place to hide it all
Sunday, May 21, 2017. We are well into the Eastern Conference Final of the Stanley Cup Playoffs. I’m sure most of you are well aware that my team, the New York Rangers, did not make it past the second round. I wasn’t going to write about it, make it all “okay” or anything typical of what you are to see here on Gal For All Seasons. I kind of did the Five Stages of Grief, but backwards. I let everyone know that once the Rangers lost Game Five, after gutting out two wins on home ice to get the series against Ottawa 2-2, that I had made peace with the outcome. And late into the game, it appeared as though that outcome was a loss. And it was.
Then literally the next day, I had sadness, and anger came and went. As I said, I did my five stages in my own unique way.
So once again, I see a team that is not mine playing for a trophy that each season that passes, seems more and more unlikely that I will see this generation win a Stanley Cup. I don’t want to get peaceful about it and say it’s all good, because it’s not. As I was saying to NotJeff and Will the night they were eliminated, we will be the same assholes next year who watch and don’t see another championship. Because I can pretty much guarantee that they won’t do right by Henrik Lundqvist and won’t win while he is on the team.
That, my friends, is acceptance.
Sleeping with a full moon blanket
Sand and feathers for my head
Dreams have never been the answer
And dreams have never made my bed
Dreams have never made my bed
Yet, this time of the year, while baseball is in full swing, I get nostalgic. If you have been following this site as long as I’ve had it up and running, you will know that the Pet Shop Boys hold a place near and dear to my heart when it comes to watching Rangers playoff hockey. Which is odd because I highly doubt when they wrote and produced the album “Very,” they had an 18 year old hockey fan in mind.
But mostly, I get to thinking. Not so much nostalgia, but what my life was like as a fan of a team that won a title. Sure, the Seahawks won one not too long ago. But I felt as though I was on the peripheral, that I hadn’t yet quite paid my dues. And when the Mets won in 1986, I was 10 years old. I had only been a fan three years at that point, sure. But I certainly had no idea that to be a Mets fan, there is usually a lot of pain involved in the process.
With the Rangers though, it’s more an exercise in futility really.
I’ve been thinking a lot about 1994 lately, and it has nothing to do with the Rangers. Certainly, that was a significant event in my life that year, including graduating from high school and going away to college. A coming of age process for sure, and the Pet Shop Boys were a huge soundtrack in my life then.
Now I wanna fly above the storm
But you can’t grow feathers in the rain
And the naked floor is cold as hell
This naked floor reminds me
Oh the naked floor reminds me
And then there’s Soundgarden and the Seattle “sound” of the ’90s. I disliked Nirvana, but I loved the other significant bands that grew out of that era. That summer, Soundgarden’s Superunknown was a significant portion of my playlist (before I even knew it was a term).
Black Hole Sun. Day I Tried To Live. Fell On Black Days. Some of it very dark, dreary (much like the weather that inspires the Seattle 1990s sound). Heavy. I’d belt that shit out as I drove like no one’s business.
I went through a lot that year, personally. My high school sweetheart and I called it quits after being together since freshman year, I was going through some home turmoil because I was leaving to go to school,
I also had great joy. The Rangers won a championship. I had a new set of friends. I dated a lot of cute boys. I went to a lot of concerts. I borrowed my mom’s car (without permission) to go to Woodstock. Now, that was a fun summer. Two dark albums though got to the heart of my conflicting feelings, feelings in dealing with the inevitable changes that were happening in my life whether I liked it or not. The Crow soundtrack still makes me sit and listen, which was a biggie that year. And there was Superunknown, through several moves and maybe someone “borrowing” and never returning it, it’s been misplaced. I haven’t listened to it in years, unfortunately.
But I loved Chris Cornell’s voice. I still have a copy of Singles, the quintessential early ’90s movie soundtrack that was required listening of Generation X.
When I heard about the death of Chris Cornell last week, I thought of several things. Of course, the first thought was loss, and my own regret of having never seen him or Soundgarden live when I had the chance. (Note to self: your rock gods do indeed pass away at some point).
I thought about that summer when I really started to listen to different music and go to different shows. And I realize I always tie in my love of sports and music together.
My next thought was sadness. While it’s always sad to lose a rock icon, you can’t help but think due to his age, that he still had more to do and more to say in this lifetime. His music catalog is what remains, his art will live on and blah blah blah.
I couldn’t help but feel connected to a song that die hard Cornell fans would know about, but also one that struck me at a very poignant time in my life.
If I should be short on words
And long on things to say
Could you crawl into my world
And take me worlds away?
Should I be beside myself
And not even stay
Three years ago, the Rangers made it to the Stanley Cup Final for the first time since that fateful 1993-94 season. I was at a weird spot in my life, professionally. I was building a business, participating in the “sharing” economy, and not very sure of what my next steps were. Huge difference from when I was 18 years old, ready to face the world and pretty much thought I knew everything. (Spoiler alert: I didn’t). Though they were down in the series 3-0, I had a chance to jump at discounted tickets (in the sense that they were nearly a grand less than they were before game three). I went with my friend Joanne, and they won their only game, a home game. Even though I had a lot of tumult in my professional life (and subsequent personal life), I just knew I had to go to that game. Mostly because I was pushing 20 the last time they made it, and I was then pushing 40. I didn’t want to be 60 the next time they made it, regretful I didn’t take my shot in 2014 to see them play live in a Stanley Cup Final.
In the hot late spring of ’94, I spent a lot of time traveling to the city to watch the Stanley Cup Final games with my dad. On my way home, I’d listen to bands like Rage Against The Machine, Violent Femmes, Live, Pet Shop Boys, Mother Love Bone, Green Day. Different styles, yet they totally made sense to me.
Each year, I think about the pain and agony that ultimately succumbed to absolute joy, only to have things change so dramatically by leaving home and starting school. Basically, I went from comfort to not knowing shit. But I’d get in the car, put on some Pearl Jam or Soundgarden, and I was ready to get introspective.
I think about that time, and wonder if I’ll ever have that payoff again with my team. Any of my teams. Which is why I turn to that year (1994) a lot in my writing. Basically because it’s something I have. But it was also a year that I grew, as a person, and the Rangers and music made me that way.
And I’m lost behind
Words I’ll never find
And I’m left behind
As seasons roll on by– Chris Cornell, Seasons
Another sports season has come and gone in the life of the Gal For All Seasons. I spend 365 days a year obsessed about where and how I will watch my games, or figure out a way to get to find out what’s happening. One of the struggles I had with being a blogger who followed sports was thinking about my angle for when I would write about it. I spent a few days after the Rangers were eliminated wondering if I would ever want to talk about it.
I thought about how I can think about football season and when my next trip to Seattle will be. While some people may wonder how it was easy to jump ship at a later age to a different team and city, it wasn’t difficult for me. I often say I was born to be a Mets and Rangers fan. But I was meant to be a Seattle Seahawks fan because of my ties to a city I didnt know I had.
A big part of that why is my association with music and sports is so closely intertwined. One of my first thoughts on hearing Chris Cornell’s death was how my Seattle friends would feel, and what the city would do to honor one of their sons who put the city on the map, musically.
Seasons change, and people change and grow. Chris Cornell’s “Seasons” changed me in ways I had no idea how, until today. It was a song on the Singles soundtrack, and believe me, if you’ve made it this far, you can wonder how I can be “short on words and long on things to say.”
Every year that I am reflecting on a season that could’ve been, I will think of potential of years, time and people lost. I’ll think of thought processes I’ve shed that make me evolve and not exist. How my life has changed dramatically in ways in 10 years, let alone since I was 18 years old. It’s not good or bad, just different from what I expected. And that’s okay.
Music and sports though, that’s the one constant I can rely on. Sure, each year I shake off losses, but as I get older, I realize how finite our time is here on Earth. And wonder if I’ll get that euphoric feeling again of sharing in that moment of a great win. And the seasons get harder to pass, and I’m not getting any younger. But it makes me feel as though the journey will ultimately make it worthwhile.
A Gal For All Seasons 